Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
