Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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