Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
