someone threw a dead crab at me
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Holy sore nipples Batman
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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