everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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