I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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