So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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