His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
