Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I want her autograph on my taint
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
