end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Oh god it's open bar.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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