just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
