You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
