I forgot how hot balto sounded
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
