He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
