So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
