id be glad to
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
