this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
