I got chris browned last night
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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