Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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