I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
