she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
