I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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