Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
