The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
