This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
