dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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