I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
