When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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