If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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