please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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