I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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