I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
