Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
