There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
