So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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