he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
this boner is exhausting
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
