Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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