i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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