Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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