I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
