dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
