i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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