hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
