That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
