now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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