new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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