i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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