I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
