Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
