just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
