I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
