just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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