Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We have so much sex to catch up on
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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