So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
